Let’s have some real talk today.
As Baby M approaches his 9 month birthday this Saturday, I’ve been reflecting on my new life as “mommy.”
Motherhood is more rewarding and fulfilling than I ever imagined. On days where I’m exhausted from late nights or stressed from a busy week at work, nothing makes me feel happier or more loved and needed than my sweet baby falling asleep on my chest or smiling up at me with his wide, gap-toothed grin.
On the other hand, motherhood comes with its challenges. I knew when I found out I was pregnant that my life was going to change. I knew that, in order to be a good mother, I would have to put a vast majority of my selfishness aside and become selfless instead. That’s not to say I would never take time for me or ignore my own needs, but I would never have the freedom—that I totally took for granted—that I did before.
At almost 9 months, my husband and I have adjusted pretty well to our new lives, and we can’t wait to watch Baby M grow and experience new things. But one thing I struggle with, particularly lately, is guilt.
Mommy Guilt.
If you’re a mom, don’t act like you haven’t felt it.
I feel guilty on those exasperation-filled evenings when I just want to pour myself a huge glass of wine and watch mindless TV instead of wash bottles and pump parts, fold baby laundry, or soothe an over-tired and teething little one.
I feel guilty for coming home late twice a week in order to work out at the gym, even though I feel refreshed and invigorated when I exercise.
I feel guilty for giving my husband an evil glare when he touches me because I’m so dang tired that I just want to build a bubble around myself, emblazoned with a sign that reads, “MINE!”
It’s tough—finding balance, knowing you love your child with every fiber of your being but occasionally wishing he wouldn’t steal so much of your time.
Some days I’d do anything short of committing a crime just to have 24-hours to myself or one blessed night of uninterrupted sleep!
It’s tough, but I know it will get easier different. I’m sure this guilt will never completely go away, but I’m going to continue carving out a little time for myself.
I want to feel my best, and I hope to be an example of healthy living to him. And I can’t do that if I don’t take care of myself—mentally and physically.
So for now, I’ll take a couple hours a week for the gym. And when I get home, I’ll soak up each and every baby snuggle and giggle that I can—because parenting is full of fleeting moments and phases that seem to end just as quickly as they begin.
[linking up for thinking out loud]
- If you have kids, what’s the toughest adjustment you’ve had to make?
- Kids or not—what do you do for “me time?”
I don’t have children so I can’t say that I know 100% what you feel like, but I will say that it’s important for us to take time for ourselves because it helps us serve others better in the long run. I don’t know about you, but I’m no use to anyone when I’m tired/overworked/run down/etc. So don’t feel guilty for taking “you time,” because it’s better for Baby M too 🙂
Yeah, I’m pretty useless when I’m run down, too.
I don’t have children so I can’t say that I know 100% what you feel like, but I will say that it’s important for us to take time for ourselves because it helps us serve others better in the long run. I don’t know about you, but I’m no use to anyone when I’m tired/overworked/run down/etc. So don’t feel guilty for taking “you time,” because it’s better for Baby M too 🙂
Yeah, I’m pretty useless when I’m run down, too.
Shared http://onegirlbreathing.blogspot.com/2015/07/good-for-you.html
Thanks for sharing!
Shared http://onegirlbreathing.blogspot.com/2015/07/good-for-you.html
Thanks for sharing!
Girl, believe, you are preaching to the choir, to most of us reading, I am sure. I’ve been at this “job” for almost 7 years now, and some days the guilt is so heavy that it is honestly debilitating. And then the next day, you have a moment. A moment where your baby smiles at you and you know that dang it, you are doing the very best you can, and he loves.you. No matter what. You feed him, clothe him, play with him, work to provide for him, workout to keep your sanity and yourself intact, and that is powerful. He will grow up seeing a happy (usually!) and healthy mama, and that is more important than we realize right this second.
I apologized to my husband the other night because I simply wasn’t in the mood, and I felt guilty. And you know what he said? “Hey, why do you feel bad? I’m not going anywhere. We have the rest of our lives.” And then I cried. And we had sex 😉 LOL. But really. If you knew him, you would know that he wasn’t trying to gloss over my feelings, or make me feel better. He was being honest, simply just telling it like it was.
Anyhow. Some days are guilt ridden and just know that that is ok. It’s normal. And your family loves you, and I hope they can allow you the space that you need sometimes, to be mom and wife. Because before you were wife and mom, you were you, and that is what they fell in love with.
Lots of hugs <3
Corinne
https://alifeofcertainty.wordpress.com/
Thank you for the sweet comment (for some reason, I’m only JUST seeing it. My notifications clearly haven’t been working).
Those simple moments where the baby smiles, or laughs, or lays his head on my chest really do make the guilt, fear, worry, etc. fade.
Girl, believe, you are preaching to the choir, to most of us reading, I am sure. I’ve been at this “job” for almost 7 years now, and some days the guilt is so heavy that it is honestly debilitating. And then the next day, you have a moment. A moment where your baby smiles at you and you know that dang it, you are doing the very best you can, and he loves.you. No matter what. You feed him, clothe him, play with him, work to provide for him, workout to keep your sanity and yourself intact, and that is powerful. He will grow up seeing a happy (usually!) and healthy mama, and that is more important than we realize right this second.
I apologized to my husband the other night because I simply wasn’t in the mood, and I felt guilty. And you know what he said? “Hey, why do you feel bad? I’m not going anywhere. We have the rest of our lives.” And then I cried. And we had sex 😉 LOL. But really. If you knew him, you would know that he wasn’t trying to gloss over my feelings, or make me feel better. He was being honest, simply just telling it like it was.
Anyhow. Some days are guilt ridden and just know that that is ok. It’s normal. And your family loves you, and I hope they can allow you the space that you need sometimes, to be mom and wife. Because before you were wife and mom, you were you, and that is what they fell in love with.
Lots of hugs <3
Corinne
https://alifeofcertainty.wordpress.com/
Thank you for the sweet comment (for some reason, I’m only JUST seeing it. My notifications clearly haven’t been working).
Those simple moments where the baby smiles, or laughs, or lays his head on my chest really do make the guilt, fear, worry, etc. fade.