When you’re newly pregnant, everybody seems to know what’s best for you. Much of the advice you receive is useful and well-meaning, yet sometimes it causes you to roll your eyes and mutter “whatever, I’ll never do that” in response.
As cliché as it sounds, the best advice or expectation new mothers can take to heart is simply this: “never say never,” or, in equally cryptic terms, “you never really know until you’ve experienced it.”
It’s true. While every new experience is unknown, I’d venture to say that being a mother and caring for a newborn and ever-changing infant is much like being blindfolded, driven across country, and dropped into a community of aliens who speak a language you’ve never heard.
No two babies—and no two parenting journeys—are the same. It doesn’t matter how many years you babysat as a teen or how many one-size-fits-all baby books you’ve read. Caring for a baby is challenging.
Since Baby M is nearing is first birthday and I’m all sorts of nostalgic, I’m sharing a list of things I said I’d do (or not do) versus what actually happened.
What I said: I will have a completely non-medicated birth; how hard can it be?
What I did: After being awake since 6 AM Friday morning, laboring through the night, early morning, and much of Saturday, and dealing with painful back labor and stalled dilation due to an OP position, I realized that intervention was necessary to achieve vaginal birth (my #1 goal). I survived an hour of pitocin, later received an epidural, and 20-something hours later, I had a beautiful baby boy in my arms. Success.
What I said: I will never feed my baby formula.
What I did: After a weight-check scare and fear that my supply was drying, we topped my sleepy baby off with some formula. The topping off helped put some weight on him while we figured out a better nursing system. We nursed exclusively for a while, but pumping does not yield as much milk as nursing, so once I was working fulltime, we returned to supplementing. The crazy thing? Baby M is fed and happy no matter what’s in his bottle.
What I said: Co-sleeping is dangerous; we will never share a bed with the baby.
What I did: We were incredibly lucky—Baby M slept in his crib after just a few weeks! However, once teething and sleep regressions hit full force, we spent many restless nights with a baby tucked between our pillows (we do this safely). At some point, the only thing that matters is that everybody sleeps.
What I said: I will not bombard social media with images of my baby all day.
What I did: For the first 3 months of Baby M’s life, I took at least one picture of him (usually 10+) a day. You can imagine a sizeable number of those ended up on Instagram and Facebook. Not to mention that I decided to chronicle his monthly development on the blog. Yes, I am one of those moms.
What I said: I will be the baby-wearing queen and get shit done, thanks to my baby wrap!
What I did: Much like swaddling, wraps just aren’t Baby M’s thing. I spent hours upon hours holding him, learning to eat, brush my teeth, and even use the bathroom with one hand. Most often, though, I just didn’t do anything. 🙂
What I said: I’ll be the hippiest of hippy moms and practice baby yoga every morning while on maternity leave.
What I did: Seriously—people believe in baby yoga? Sure, we did a bit of stretching during tummy time and floor play, but baby yoga? I definitely wasted about $5 on that book at the consignment sale!
What I said: We will do Baby Led Weaning because it’s natural; and any purees will be homemade.
What I did: I don’t care what those crazy Brits say, a 6 month old baby presented with a steamed carrot or slice of avocado is going to choke! Purees happened, and after steaming, pureeing, and freezing one batch of sweet potatoes, I realized that God invented baby food jars and pouches for a reason. At 11 months, Baby M eats both purees and finger foods—and he’s always been a pretty good eater.
As you can see, my expectations differed from my realities. The best thing, though, is that Baby M is healthy and happy regardless. And even though I took the easy way out sometimes, I still think I’m a pretty good mom.
[linking up for thinking out loud today]
I love that you’re talking about this because I feel like so many new mothers end up feeling guilty when things don’t go according to plan, and they really shouldn’t. Expectations very rarely match up to reality, and i think the best thing we can do is roll with the punches and make the most of whatever it is that comes our way.
Ugh, I’ve definitely felt my share of guilt. I still fight it, but usually a good kick in the rear by people smarter than me sends me back to reality 🙂
I love that you’re talking about this because I feel like so many new mothers end up feeling guilty when things don’t go according to plan, and they really shouldn’t. Expectations very rarely match up to reality, and i think the best thing we can do is roll with the punches and make the most of whatever it is that comes our way.
Ugh, I’ve definitely felt my share of guilt. I still fight it, but usually a good kick in the rear by people smarter than me sends me back to reality 🙂
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve told my mom how I am going to do something when I become a mother and she’s said “you say that now…”
I get so annoyed when she says that, but she’s probably right?
Haha. It’s still annoying, especially if you didn’t *ask* for an opinion, but, yeah, they’re often right.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve told my mom how I am going to do something when I become a mother and she’s said “you say that now…”
I get so annoyed when she says that, but she’s probably right?
Haha. It’s still annoying, especially if you didn’t *ask* for an opinion, but, yeah, they’re often right.