It’s no secret that the last few months have been stressful for my husband and me as parents. I had the misfortune of giving birth to a tiny child (sarcasm here—there’s nothing unfortunate about my sweet Bazooka Boy) whose small size and low weight apparently keep his doctors awake at night despite all other signs that point to a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child.
Bazooka’s endured numerous tests and procedures (and a**hole doctors) and our checkbooks have cried a few tears each time a new bill is mailed our way.
And because of my inherently anxious and critical personality and all of the paranoia that simply comes with being a new parent, I’ve needlessly worried about it all—my son’s desire to drink just few ounces of milk from his bottles, his goofy head shaking (he’s mimicking the dog), his proclivity to favor his right side when crawling (I think it makes him faster—at least he walks “normal”), and a host of other quirky non-issues.
My confidence, for a while there, took a huge nose-dive, and I was honestly worried that my incessant googling, self-loathing, anger, and inability to concentrate were going to send me to the nut-house (a touch of postpartum anxiety?).
Nevertheless, I see just how remarkable and healthy my sweet son is every single day. As his mother, I’m sure I’ll never stop doubting my parenting abilities, but I no longer have that overwhelming burden of questioning my son’s health and development.
In fact, I got a nice little confidence boost a few weeks ago when my husband told me what Bazooka’s daycare workers had said of him: that he was incredibly smart.
That little comment made my day and gave me a bit of validation.
Of course I want my son to be smart. I want him to enjoy learning and to question things and to form his own opinions. I want him to do well in school so that he can succeed later in life. We all want that for our children—at least I hope we do.
That compliment got me thinking, though, about what I really want to teach my son. Academics are important, but there’s much to be learned outside the classroom.
And so, this is what I hope to teach my son…
-The value of hard work
-Patience with those who have differing opinions or abilities than his
-That real men do in fact cry
-That his parents will always love him
-That he should always be a gentleman
-Gratitude
-That we will always be proud of him so long as he puts forth the effort
-That he will grow by trying new things and challenging himself
-That books are treasures
-That it’s important for his mommy and daddy to nurture their own relationship—which may sometimes mean that what we want/need comes before what he wants (I’m not talking about things like food/shelter but things like date nights that have been planned well in advance, etc.)
-That he should always be honest (yet tactful)
-That it’s never ok to litter
-That guilt and shame are two very different emotions; that he should feel and learn from guilt when he makes a poor choice but that he should never be ashamed of who he is
-That money can’t buy happiness
-That it’s ok to change his mind
-That giving is better than getting
-That being active is one of the greatest joys and privileges we have as humans
-That it’s ok to be afraid
-That it’s wise (but not essential) to consider both passion and practicality when choosing a college major
-That not everything should be shared on the internet
-That broken hearts heal, even if it takes time
-That people may not remember if he won first place in the science fair or dated the most popular girl in school, but they will remember a kind word, a helping hand, or a gentle smile
-That travel enriches the mind and the world should be experienced and savored
-That our talents are various but we all have something to offer the world
-That his life has a purpose
Maybe my son will travel to a new planet or discover the cure for a rare disease. Perhaps he’ll be a car mechanic or an entertainer. Whoever my son becomes, I hope he learns to be confident, kind, patient, and gracious and never, ever questions his worth as a person.
[linking up for thinking out loud]
I would like to add to this wonderful list. We also want our children to enjoy the arts. The various arts all have something to offer in our growth as a happy and productive human being. Hopefully, our children will find an area that they enjoy.
Absolutely! How did I leave off that one? Considering he already has Rodrique and Jamie Hayes prints hanging in his room and danced in my belly during a JJP show, I think he will appreciate the arts. Maybe you can give him a drawing or painting lesson one day, hehe 🙂
I would love to give lessons. it is never too early. Anytime!
You are such a wonderful mommy!
I saw on FB the other day a story about a mom who has her son use some of his allowance to take her out to dinner once a month. It got a lot of criticism, but I totally respected her desire to teach him out to be a gentleman.
Thanks so much, Kate. I try to be!
I can see how that would’ve struck a nerve with people, but I kinda like the idea. Not forcing him to do it, of course, but teaching him how to be a gentleman in a special way for them both.
This post has really touched my heart. With a little one year old boy of my own, I struggle wondering “I’m I doing enough, will he be okay”. Struggling with PPD sometimes you need to read something a little uplifting, this was it. Fantastic Job. <3
Thanks for reading; I’m so glad it resonated with you. It’s so tough and it’s easy to think we’re failing, but as long as we’re doing the best we can (& getting help if we need it!), that’s all we can do. I’m sure you’re a great mama, too!
I enjoy your blogs… so glad he is healthy and thriving! I hope he learns all those things as well as to put God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost at the center of his life. Thank you for for sharing!
Thank you. I hope he learns that too <3
These are beautiful lessons to pass on to your son, and he’s extremely lucky to have a mom like you 🙂 I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to be constantly worrying about doing right for a child, but just remember that you are and always will be your son’s one and only momma — and that makes you a superhero in his eyes <3
Aww, thanks, Amanda. I hope he sees me that way one day – if only for a little while before he’s too cool for his mom 😉
This was lovely. Your son is incredibly lucky to have you as a mom!
Thank you so much! I’m lucky to have him 🙂
Mom worries are the worst and never stop, that’s for sure. I’m going back to work in a week and feeling all of the emotions. But, I’m hoping my example will teach my son hard work, how to pursue his passion, make time for yourself and more.
Oh, that first day back is so hard! Hoping the transition goes smoothly for you.
I feel the same about working. Not that SAHM and WAHM can’t do the same, but I hope I set a good example to my son by helping provide for my family and using my education.