Do you ever wish you could just completely alter your personality?
I mean, I can say with confidence that I “like” myself—at least most of the time—but sometimes I wish I could round up a few of my friends’ and peers’ best qualities to go along with my superior intelligence, flawless beauty, and unmatched sense of humor. 😉
Exaggeration and hyperbole are a couple of my strong suits, too.
Seriously, though. While I think I’m an intelligent, kind, hardworking, loyal, and decent person, there are some traits of mine that I’m not as fond of. I’m often too sarcastic, I am quick to become angry, I’m bad at sharing my feelings, and I’m too reluctant to take risks.
Yes, if I could change one thing about myself—right this moment—I would become a risk taker.
I don’t mean that I would experiment with drugs or go jump out of an airplane (I fear I’d enjoy drugs too much and I’m saving the airplane for when I’m 90 and have nothing to lose).
What I mean is—I would have taken more calculated risks early in my “adulthood” and pushed some of my complacency and practicality aside.
I wouldn’t say that I regret where my life has led me (I have a loving husband, a steady-ish income, and the most perfect child in the world with whom I’ve shared many wonderful experiences), but I often wish I had “lived” a little more after I graduated college.
Although I was fortunate to have studied abroad in London after my junior year, I never hopped on an airplane to backpack through Europe or snorkel in Asia.
Throughout high school and even college, I always saw myself moving to some big city (NYC, Chicago, San Francisco?) to further my education or work in publishing or law, and yet I decided almost immediately after college graduation against graduate school (in hindsight, a great decision—because there’s nothing worse than a BA in English that you don’t use except for a MA in English that you don’t use). I love my hometown, but I’ve never lived anywhere else!
Instead of creating my own opportunities, I grasped tightly to the few that were presented to me and chose to make the best of what I had. I still do this, and while it’s allowed me the comforts I enjoy and sometimes take for granted, I often wonder, “am I missing out?”
This post is kind of circular. I don’t have a big conclusion or revelation, and I’m not about to announce that I’m embarking on some huge adventure or change (I’m not).
I guess what I’m saying is that, while there’s room for being practical and careful, we only get one life and owe ourselves a few calculated risks. So I’m going to be more mindful in my choices. I’m always going to put my family at the top of my priorities, but I’m going to take my goals and dreams more seriously.
Because…what have I got to lose?
[linking up for thinking out loud]
- Are you a risk taker?
- What is one personality trait of yours that you value? Or would change?
There’s still time for that city living…. I hear there are some pretty cool people up in DC that would love to have you guys closer. 😉
You’re right! Just need to find us some reeeeaaally high paying jobs 😉
I enjoy my personality because it allows me to get shit done. However, I do with I was able to let go a bit more or have more confidence in myself. I want to start s YouTube channel but I’ve put it off saying “I don’t have time” when really I’m just scared.
“Allows me to get shit done” – love it. I think even the strongest people struggle with confidence sometimes. A YouTube channel sounds like a fantastic idea. You should go for it!
I used to not be a risk-taker, but by God’s grace, He has given me so much more courage to take risks. I wouldn’t change my basic personality, but I’m thankful that God is constantly sanctifying me and working on the ‘rough edges’ and purging my sin.
That’s wonderful Emily. I’m so glad god’s given you more courage and allowed you to grow and take risks.
I’m not a risk taker. I like to plan things out and know the ins and outs of everything I am doing. I’m trying to work on being less of a control freak and letting go a bit–I’m a work in progress there. I value my ability to adapt to all my surroundings. It’s a trait I value very much. Most of it comes from the ability to read situations, places and people well. If I could change something about myself, I would change how much I care about what people think. Generally, I don’t care what most people think; but I care about what the one’s I love think. For my husband, I think that’s okay. But for most other family members, I wish I didn’t let it get to me when they are mean or critical. I wish I didn’t put all of them first before myself. Is there such a thing as caring too much? I feel like there just might be,
Oof, I relate to a lot of this. I’m really bad about letting others get to me like that, too. But…you can’t please everyone all the time, right?! I think being able to adapt well and read situations/people well is an incredibly valuable trait. I’m sure it helps you in many aspects of life!
I… don’t know? 😆 I was a really big risk taker when I was younger, and it didn’t always work out in my best interest. I’ve mellowed out a lot with age, and I think I’ve found my happy spot. I feel like it’s really easy to romanticize the idea of taking big risks and all the successes that could come with them, but you don’t so much hear about how people take risks and it leads them to shit consequences…. like how you can get robbed blind while backpacking through Europe or attacked by a school of jellyfish while snorkelling in Asia. That being said… there’s still a lot of life left to live 🙂
Also… sorry for the novel. I just had a big old cup of coffee 😆
You’re so right about the romanticization of risk taking. I think that’s part of who led me to write this – but you’re so right about overlooking the crappy consequences and just focusing on the good. Sometimes staying in our little bubbles can be a GOOD thing. I guess it all boils down to being practical. Take a risk…but have a good plan B juuuust in case. 🙂
I loved this post, and the realness of it! I am a risk taker in some areas, but not it others. My risk taking tends to be more on the dangerous/reckless side than life improving side. I wish I was braver to challenge my anxiety around food and body image. But then again, what’s holding me back? Oh ya, just myself! We can change for the better and still stay true to who we are, we just have to take the leap. As you said, “what have I got to lose?”
Thanks, Sarah. I used to be more like that, too. Some of the risks I took in college were actually pretty stupid and dangerous now that I look back. I hope you find the courage to tackle some of your food/body fears. It’s easy to know what we should do or how we should feel, but putting it into action is more difficult. <3
If I could change anything about myself, I’d be a more a relaxed human being. I’m definitely uptight and like things to be nicely done and planned out. I wish I wasn’t though. My boss is probably the “chillest” person I know and her nonchalance is something I greatly admire.
Yes to relaxation. I’ve come to accept that I will never be a “chill” person, but I do wish! 🙂
If I could change one thing it would be how easy I get stressed and overwhelmed. I wish I could just take things one at a time rather than stressing about the future and getting stressed over small tasks!
I am the same way. In your head, you know it’s not a big deal, but at the time it seems like the end of the world. You’ve still got plenty of time to figure out the future!
I’m not too much of a risk taker either, but I’ve gotten a lot better about it in recent years. I kinda wish I’d stand up for myself more. That’s improved to the point where I’m not a doormat, but I will still frequently avoid conflict whenever possible, so it’s a work in progress!
Hooray for not being a doormat! I tend to avoid conflict too, so I understand!
Truly truly enjoyed this post Catherine! I am going on 28 and with our recent move I feel like I’ve GOT to explore some other areas of my life. There are other avenues I’d like to go down, but it is totally scary. Being such a perfectionist I do NOT want to fail, but I also have to accept it may be a possibility. I guess all I can do is put in the work and see where my passions take me! Thanks so much for sharing.
Gah, I wish I was still 28. 😉
I can completely understand. I agree, you just have to put in the work and see where life leads you. You have an amazing thing going with your blog, so who knows what kinds of avenues that will lead you down!