A Cup of Catherine

I Understand…

by

love-heart-hand-romantic

Like many of you, I’m sure, I’ve had a heavy heart lately.

Every day, it seems there’s another horrific incident—a terrorist attack, a shooting, some unthinkable accident—and it has made me feel both incredibly connected to my “brothers” and “sisters” and ashamed of humanity.

There’s just so much hate in the world.

Hate. That’s what it boils down to.

Whether that hate is borne from true ignorance or if it is something taught to those who desperately need something to cling to in their lives, it’s fueling attitudes and actions that are truly frightening.

And while I’ve always been an optimist and have a deep-seeded hunger to know people and see as much of this beautiful world as I can in the short amount of time I’m here, I have to say that 

I understand.

I understand why mothers give up good jobs to stay home with their kids because they are afraid to leave them with somebody else.

I understand why the soldier who lives with the nightmares from his deployment is distrusting of the government.

I understand how a victim of violence is wary of being alone on the street when approached by somebody who looks “different” or “shady.”

I understand why the middle-aged couple whose retirement savings still haven’t recovered from “The Great Recession” are searching for a new ideology that protects them from losing even more of what they’ve worked so hard to create and protect.

I understand my own privilege—never living without the basic comforts of life, always having the support from my loved ones, never wondering where my next meal will come from, never being threatened by law enforcement, never facing public scrutiny and criticism for an often-thankless and dangerous job, and never having felt so hopeless that I felt drawn to the voices that spew hatred at the world instead of love.

I understand that I live a life of relative comfort and that my frame of reference is different from those around me.

But here’s what I don’t understand.

I don’t understand how the “us vs. them” mentality will do anything except create more division and anger.

I don’t understand how shrinking our circles, rather than expanding them, will strengthen our bonds with the people in our world.

I don’t understand how creating a society that thrives on fear will open our minds to understanding and growth.

I don’t understand how closing off our “borders” and never setting foot in other parts of the world—or experiencing cultures different than ours—will increase empathy and unite us as human beings.

I’m not perfect and like you—all of you—I have my own biases and “prejudices.” I will never know exactly what others go through—because I can’t literally experience their lives.

I can, though, practice empathy. I can educate myself. I can travel. I can talk to strangers on the street and in line at the deli. I can read a book. And then read another one. I can challenge myself to see through another person’s eyes and try to understand their challenges and fears and passions.

Hate breeds more hate—it never destroys it. Hate pours salt in wounds instead of healing them.

I’m not a politician or a priest. I don’t know how to solve the problems of the world and ensure that my son inherits a future of safety, comfort, and prosperity.

But I do know that I can be a force of love.

I can reach others through this blog. I can listen to my coworkers. I can educate my family and friends—even if they are resistant to what I have to say. I can volunteer in my community. And I can embrace and celebrate the beauty in this world instead of cowering in fear at the ugly.

Will you do the same?

It's time we stop the #hate and spread the #love. #thinkingoutloud #lovematters Share on X

[linking up for thinking out loud]

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    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. This is a great post Catherine. I am trying to become more educated this election cycle and also because of all the racial tensions in our country. I never thought i was racist, but I always forget to check my privilege.
      Sometimes though, thinking about how good I have it and how others don’t make me feel bad, then I feel guilty and then I am ineffective and sad.
      How do you balance that? I’m reading Everyday Feminism which is helping, but if you have any other tips, I’d love to hear them.

      • I get like that, too, sometimes – I feel guilty because my problems aren’t “real” enough since I’m relatively privileged. It’s a tough balance but I guess having a therapist for a husband helps 😉 Seriously, though, I just remind myself that it’s REAL to me at that given time, and that seems to help.

      • Thanks, Ellen. With so much going on, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or ineffective. But we can always share the love 🙂

    4. Catherine, thank you. This is what so many don’t understand. We weren’t made to be opposed to each other because of skin color. God made us all different, and that’s what is so beautiful. It’s the beauty of variety, the beauty of creativity, the beauty of God’s love and creativity, and too often it’s taken for granted. I was convicted by what you said, because I can love others. I can’t fix others. But I can love others myself, without hating them. I can thank our police officers and go out onto the street and cherish each person, no matter what they look like, because the most important thing is that they are a precious living human soul, body, mind, and spirit. THANK YOU FOR THIS SO MUCH. <3 My heart has been heavy too, and you said what I couldn't quite put into words.

      • Such a great point: “I can’t fix others. But I can love others myself, without hating them.”
        I’ve learned lately that my little bubble isn’t the be all, end all and we can learn so much from the people we might otherwise write off or disgrace with.

    5. I love this! In the midst of all the hatred outside of our control, it’s so easy to lose sight of what we can do to create the world we want to see. Great perspective.

      • Thanks, Kathleen. Hatred is exhausting – and you’re right that we can do *something* to create the world we want to see <3

    6. There is SO much I don’t understand! I am finding it increasingly more difficult to form an opinion on anything. There are so many layers that go into everything. Like you, I don’t understand the evil that is harbored in the hearts of so many people. I live on this thin line of not wanting to live in fear but also wanting to protect my family.
      I am so thankful that I can cling to God and His promises for my life. Some days it is the only to ease to my anxieties.

      • I know what you mean about that thin line – I feel that way, too sometimes. You’re so right about there being layers to everything. I’m still learning this.

    7. Love this. I have debated trying to write something that sums up how I feel about the world lately, but being “white and privileged” I feel like it makes us have no voice since we don’t “know the struggle.” I know others struggle more than us, but it doesn’t mean we don’t see and live in the world around us. I agree with all of this!

      Lately the thing that is comforting me most is knowing I will raise good kids. I can’t guarantee how they turn out, but I know I will try my hardest to have them love and respect others and that’s the best we can do!

      • Yes, sometimes I feel like anything I have to say isn’t important because of that privilege. I’ve long debated writing this because I never want to get too political or one sided on here – it’s not the place but hopefully I didn’t come across too preachy and political.
        Yes, knowing we are doing our best to raise good kids – who learn respect and love – is a huge comfort. I think that’s the biggest accomplishment we can have as parents!

    8. I too do my best to understand and hope people understand that I don’t know it all. And try to help me put myself in their shoes.

      I also understand that hate gets us nowhere. That us versus them, whomever them is, won’t solve anything. We need proactive solutions. Not a country divided.

      This is so well written.
      Stopping by from BGB – FB.

      • Thanks for stopping by, Jessie, and for the kind words. I’m glad so many of us agree that division and hate get us nowhere.

    10. Everything that is going on in the world lately is breaking my heart. The hate is growing and it makes me incredibly sad. Like you sad, hate breeds hate. And it is time to LOVE. To open our hearts to everyone. This is such a heartfelt post. Thank you for this Catherine.