As hard as it is to believe, yesterday was my ninth wedding anniversary.

For somebody who never thought she’d marry before 30—much less at 24 years old!—I can say it’s been quite the ride.

We’ve traveled together, navigated the waters of first-time-parenthood together, and laughed—a lot—together.

Our first nine years have been challenging at times, but they’ve been remarkable and have made me realize how lucky and loved I am.

Mark, you’ve taught me a lot in nine years—and I can’t wait to spend the next 50+ by your side. Happy anniversary, Bear!

Nine Lessons from Nine Years of Marriage

If I’m going to surprise him with dinner, just bring home take out.

I can’t remember which birthday it was, but a few years ago I decided to cook a lovely salmon and pea puree dish (from Giada) for his birthday. It was a disaster. I had no idea what I was doing, and he ended up cooking it himself. So much for my sweet surprise!

Kind words go much further than passive aggression.

So many couples seem to pounce on the opportunity to bring one another down—and that’s so dangerous. We’re imperfect people, but when we point out one another’s flaws in a snide, passive-aggressive way, we slowly chip away one another’s self-worth and confidence. So what if we do things differently? Seriously—try thanking your husband for the extra chore he did instead or criticizing the way he stacked the dishes or folded your socks. Be grateful he wants to help.

If I beg long enough, he will give me that massage.

Yep, persistence pays off—but it’s best not to spoil his generosity by taking advantage of it.

I’m not going to change him—and that includes his electronics (and pint glass) addiction.

Just let him buy the Echo Dot* for the bedroom and the flat screen TV that barely fits on the dresser. It makes him happy, and he’s going to buy it no matter what I say. 😉

Inside jokes and silly habits/rituals make life sunnier and funnier.

…and I promise I will find some more penguins. And commit to a lifetime with them.

Just let him iron my clothes.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve become less independent since I’ve been married, but maybe I’ve just learned that it’s ok to accept unsolicited help. Just because my husband offers to iron my clothes or vacuum (but vacuuming is my favorite!) doesn’t mean he thinks I’m incapable. Now I realize it makes him feel good—and important—to do things for me. In fact, “acts of service” is probably his “love language.”

He was always right about sleep.

Before we became parents, I used to fuss at my husband for wanting to sleep late on the weekends. I would drag him out of bed because I was afraid of “wasting the day.” While I do still try to take full advantage of my 2 days off from work, I relish any chance we get to sleep “late” or nap mid-day.

Our simple lives are pretty fantastic.

So what that our careers aren’t what we envisioned in college or that we don’t have annual European vacations? We actually enjoy spending time together—even if it’s a Valentine’s Day date to Waffle House. As much as we both love good food, good wine, and exploring the world, we just need our little family to be happy.

It’s the whole package he loves—so don’t feel ashamed of the ugly parts.

Since early in our relationship (I’m talking college), Mark has seen me ugly cry. He’s held me when I felt like a failure for bombing the GRE, when I was terrified of becoming a mother, and when I finally made an appointment with my psychiatrist for my GAD. He accepts my imperfections and encourages me to be who I am, even if I don’t like who that person is at the given moment.

Nine years of love, lessons, laughs and everything in between <3 Share on X

[linking up for thinking out loud]

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So tell me…

• If you’re married, how many years will you celebrate this year?
• If you’re not married, what do you look for in a mate? Or in a friend, if you have no desire to marry?