In the words of Taylor Swift, “haters gonna hate (hate hate hate hate).”

Anybody who’s ever spoken up for themselves or shared the depths of their own passions and vulnerabilities has dealt with a hater (or two).

Whether it’s an anonymous internet troll, a grade school bully, or a jealous coworker, every single one of us has that person—or group of people—who thrives on making others feel broken.

It sucks.

Having another person question your integrity, your intentions, or your capabilities is painful—particularly when most of us are pretty darn good at dishing out enough self-criticism for a lifetime.

Nevertheless, a positive can bloom from every negative, and I’m here to share 5 things to remember when encountering haters.

1. It means you’re doing something right

If somebody takes the time to tear you apart for something you’ve shared, then it means you’ve struck a nerve. And usually when a nerve is struck within us, it’s because light has been shed on a dark or damaged quality we dislike about ourselves.

Petty criticism could also mean you’ve made that person question a deep-seated value or prejudice they’ve never had to defend before; otherwise, they’d just ignore you and go about their not-so-merry way.

As long as you’re being true to yourself and living with kindness and integrity, just take senseless criticism as a compliment and evidence that you’re doing something right.

2. Their attitudes say more about them than you

Ever heard of projection? Well, when I’m upset, angry, nervous, etc., I tend to project my emotions on others. Ask my husband—that means I’m basically the worst person ever to argue with. (Sorry, babe.)

But…I have a point! When haters doubt themselves or encounter their darker emotional attributes, they project them. If somebody is criticizing you—without evidence—for being selfish, judgmental, too outspoken, not pretty or creative enough, or whatever, it probably means they are insecure about those qualities within their own personality. They’re likely hurting badly themselves, which is why it’s important to resist engaging and fighting back in kind.

It’s challenging not to take criticism personally, but try! Remember it’s about THEM not you. 

3. Use it to grow more compassionate and tolerant toward others

I’m an insecure person by nature, so I’m hyper-sensitive to any perceptions of intolerance toward me. In some ways, that’s a good thing, because it’s taught me to be more empathic toward others who are desperately trying to do or say the right thing but may be struggling.

Thus, when a hater gives false meaning to something I’ve said or shared, I analyze those resulting emotions. I try to think of times I may have misinterpreted something another person shared and be more sympathetic to their hurt feelings. In short, I try to better myself and my own responses.

4. It’s ok to use them as inspiration

This very blog post is borne from the latest antics of a hater. So, if you’re reading: Congrats! Your petulance hasn’t fallen on deaf ears.

I’m a big believer that inspiration can come from ANY experience, good or bad. Instead of letting criticism crush your spirit, use it as fuel to grow even stronger and more in tune with your creative voice and the Big Magic within.

5. Take inventory of the good qualities you value in others

When somebody spreads negativity, it helps to respond by recognizing the good qualities you admire in others. If a hater calls you names, criticizes your appearance, makes fun of your loved ones—do two things: First, acknowledge that, yes, you’re hurt, but second, think of the people in your life whom you admire. 

Thank your spouse for being understanding. Let your coworker or fitness instructor know that their smile and positive attitude brighten your day. Identify and foster the good.

You might even want to do an exercise; make a list of the qualities you value in yourself and in others. Then identify where you are succeeding and where you could improve. 

Remember these 5 things...and don't let haters get you down! #beyourself Share on X

While these suggestions will not stop a bully in his or her tracks, they should help you focus on your message and your values.

It’s absolutely ok—human, even—to feel hurt when haters spread their hate, but it’s critical to not let their opinions SHAME us and destroy our self-worth. 

And, if all else fails, just remember the wise words of Scott Stratten, “Don’t try to win over the haters; you’re not the jackass whisperer.” 😉

So tell me…

• Have you ever encountered a “hater?”
• How do you handle hateful comments or criticism?