I probably don’t need to tell you this, but words are powerful.
Depending on the tone in which they are said—they have the power to make us feel threatened, empowered, angry, appreciated, or any other number of things.
I’m one of those people who often falls prey to words. When angry or upset, I’m quick to say whatever comes to my mind, which is usually hurtful and unfair.
On the other hand, I tend to let the words of others influence my own feelings. Sometimes I will hold onto a simple statement—regardless of its intention to hurt or to encourage—for months.
And while I preach confidence and self-love, I’ve let the simple, harmlessly-intended comments on my appearance and size ruin my day. Worse, I’ve let them send me into a spiral of insecurity, resentment, and hatred of my own body that has gratefully healed over time.
All of this talk leads me to something that happened a few weeks ago.
A coworker was trying to describe me to some other employees—one who knew of me, one who didn’t.
As the person who knew of me chimed in, he commented “you know—red beans and rice.”
Excuse me?!!
Of course my colleague—ready to defend me should this be an insult—quickly asked what the heck he meant.
“The really thin girl with long brown hair—you know, looks like she should eat some more red beans and rice?”
Oh—um—okay?
Relieved that this was in fact not some sort of crude insult, I just kind of laughed with my coworker. Mostly because I had in fact packed leftover red beans and rice in my lunch that day! 🙂
As the day went on, I began to think about how—years ago—this kind of comment would’ve stuck with me. It would have made me feel insecure about my appearance, and I probably would’ve stood in front of the restroom mirror, questioning whether I truly looked like I had skipped a few meals.
I’ve written about body image many times in the past. Do I always love the way I look? No, there are moments and days where I feel frumpy. There are days where I try on a new pair of pants in my size that’s either too snug or falling off my waist. I get frustrated like anybody else; it’s called being human.
The difference today, though, is that I don’t let it linger. As cliché as it sounds, pregnancy and childbirth really do change the way you feel about your body—at least they did for me.
Although my hips are slightly wider, my stomach still has a smidge of extra skin that I fear will never go way, and my membership into the IBTC (yes, it means what you think it does—damn you, breastfeeding!) was accepted, I realize that my body has done incredible things.
And while I’m now almost exactly the same size I was pre-pregnancy (I’ve lost a few pounds since we weaned), that “achievement” was never my goal. I still exercise, but that’s because I know it benefits my body and mind—and I long to become stronger and have greater endurance to keep up with my son!
However, my body—as remarkable as it is—is simply a body. Yes, it takes me places and allows me to do things I love doing, so I respect it and treat it well. In the end, though, my body isn’t “me” and any words used to describe it have only as much power as I give them.
[linking up for thinking out loud]
- Do you let comments get under your skin—or are you one to brush them off easily?
- What is the strangest insult (or compliment!) you’ve ever received?
Lifelong member of the IBTC here. Sad to hear BF will not be my ticket out.The strangest insult I’ve ever gotten is that I had a Spongebob butt (?). I didn’t know whether to laugh or be offended, but I am glad I was able to laugh it off. I find it funny that your co-worker chose red beans and rice… I’ve never heard that one before.
I think you make a great point that the power of a single comment sometimes comes from the power we give it.For me, there are certain people who can make me think about something they said for hours, just because of who they are. I do my best not to dwell or read too much into things and to approach the person if I want better understanding.
Spongebob butt? I’m cracking up (pun NOT intended) but so confused!
Yeah, certain people definitely have a greater influence on my feelings than others. Usually I can just forget about a comment if it’s a stranger, but not always.
I definitely needed to read this today. It seems like after my reader survey, people are loving hating on me and what I said about that. Comments stick with me for a LONG time. I have a very hard time letting things go. I’d be pretty offended by that too. I hate when people have “nicknames” for you that you just suddenly realize and are like wow… that’s what you call me? Thanks.
Sorry you’re having to deal with that but glad that you are able to look past it.
I hate the nickname thing. Luckily I’ve never been “victim” to any weird ones (that I know of) but I’ve definitely been on the other end and questioned whether I should speak up or let them know “hey, would you want to be called that?”
I still can’t get over how people ripped you to shreds on your survey. Why read something you don’t like? Ugh, sorry you had to deal with that drama.
I used to be super sensitive when I was younger, but I feel like the older I get, the more comfortable I become in my skin and the less comments like that are able to get to me. Do they still sting? Sure. But now I’m able to talk myself through them instead of dwelling on them for long periods of time. Red beans and rice, though…. 😆 I was seriously like “wtf?” when I read that. I’ve had people tell me to go eat a hamburger before, but never red beans and rice.
Yes, usually it’s a hamburger or a cookie! Haha. I know I live in the Gulf South and red beans & rice are a common meal, but never have I heard that!
I’m like you. I’ve definitely improved with age, but every now and then I’m as bad as when I was younger. I just take everything too personally.
I used to let comments stick under my skin. I was so sensitive to what everyone said to me! Now I just brush them off and try my best to not let what others say affect me. 🙂
That’s awesome Lyss. I wish I had thicker skin sometimes, but I’m working on it. 🙂
YES, I love the Chapter in James that talks about the power of the tongue. It is a powerful weapon, for both good or evil. <3
I love how knowledgable you are on the Bible, Emily. I definitely need to pull mine out and check out some of the scriptures you’ve noted. The tongue is indeed a powerful weapon.
Oh man, I definitely let words get to me (for the most part.) I’ve received the WEIRDEST insults from people. When I was pregnant with my first I worked in an office full of very rude women. I seriously had a coworker (who was much older than myself, never a mother, and technically one of my bosses.) say, “Oh, you’re going to be a bad mom because you’re a bad dog owner.” UHM EXCUUUUSE ME?! Mind you, this was because I told her that I was tired from taking my the puppy out all night when he was asking to go to the bathroom. She decided that i should have made him hold it(??) and slept. Oh. okay.
Oh HECK no. Don’t ever comment about my parenting. While I may internalize it and feel badly/question myself LATER, I will rip you to shreds when it happens, haha.
But seriously, that sucks. Why would somebody say “oh, your’e going to be an awful mother” like that?
I’m working on not letting comments get under my skin. None has ever said anything negative to me, but body comments definitely get to me. I’m small and thin naturally and I battle with an eating disorder. When people comment about my size or how much I eat it does bother me a bit, I always laugh it off but I’m working on laughing off their comments on the inside too!
I wish I couldn’t resonate with what you said so well. Yet – hi, I’m human and at that a woman, too – I absolutely do. Especially with a past of being an overweight child any kind of comment on my appearance can throw me off. Not only those on this topic, though. But I agree with you that it’s up to us how much we let those comments and affect us.
The strangest/most hurtful comment I ever received will have to stay a secret. However, the strangest kind one was on my eyebrows. Which is funny as I don’t like the way they look.
Oh, I’m sorry that you relate to this so well, too. Speaking from personal experience, it’s so easy to say, “I shouldn’t take that personally,” but then actually doing so is much more difficult.
Isn’t that funny how the traits we aren’t fond of are the ones others admire? I’ve had that happen, too (not my eyebrows, though). Thanks your for reading and sharing your thoughts.