The other day I was scheduling a blog post, and my eyes gravitated to my drafts folder. Specifically, to an unpublished post from 2013!
I can’t bring myself to trash it, and yet it was written so long ago that posting it now wouldn’t make any sense.
Basically it was a wordy ramble about my dissatisfaction with my career, my jealousy of other friends who were at different places in their lives, and how I felt I would never amount to anything because I was born on the cusp of the millennial generation—i.e., those who are told they are special snowflakes and can have it all yet struggle to make a living after graduating college due to a dismal job market and a lack of familiarity with failure.
Sunshine and rainbows, right?
Anyway, the funny thing is, it was a few months after I wrote said post that I experienced a notable transformation in how I viewed my life, my goals, my family, and my day-to-day endeavors.
And, apart from a pregnancy and the birth of my first child, very few circumstances have actually changed in my life since then. I’m still not rich (less so, thanks to daycare and medical bills), I’m still not well-traveled, I’m still less “accomplished” than my peers who have graduate degrees and powerful careers, but none of that matters.
No, what really changed was my attitude. I began to view myself and my life differently. I climbed out of the comparison trap, I realized my story was my own to write, and I began to focus equally on the details (small victories and daily gratitude) and the big picture.
Here are some of the ways I changed my mindset and became a more positive person.
1. I stopped (as much as humanly possible) comparing myself to others, especially bloggers, celebrities, and social media “influencers.”
I talk about it a lot in this post, but an Instagram feed or Facebook status does not show the real picture. We’ve all heard the cliché, “don’t compare your big picture to somebody else’s highlight reel,” and that’s actually some pretty damn good advice.
Any account that made me feel icky or inferior, well, I stopped following them. Instead, I gravitated to the people and accounts that gave me positive vibes.
2. I began a gratitude jar and made daily reflection a priority.
I’ve always known that I live a charmed life (I’m clothed, I’m fed, I’m educated, I’m loved, and I’m safe from real dangers), but that didn’t stop me from zooming in on the insignificant negatives.
When I made a conscious effort to notice the good things about my day (a compliment, a delicious meal, a cool breeze, a reassuring doctor’s visit), I found that I didn’t have to dig very deeply at all to find something for which I was grateful.
When I found out I was pregnant with Bazooka, I had so many doubts and fears. While I struggled for a few months, it was this daily practice that reshaped those doubts and fears into excitement, humility, and gratitude for an easy conception, a healthy pregnancy, and a beautiful child.
3. I opened up to other people (coworkers, friends, new acquaintances) and stepped out from behind some of my self-built walls.
I’m a quintessential introvert, and I loathe—loathe—small talk. Obviously that means I value my alone time, too. I don’t know if it was the friendliness of strangers (everybody wants to talk to a pregnant lady) or some bizarre hormonal change, but I became my own weird version of a “people person.”
I enjoyed small talk (ok, when it wasn’t too awkward), I smiled more, and I began to put a little effort into my relationships.
This sounds incredibly obvious as I re-read it, but I guess I began to value my community more deeply. I continue to do this.
4. I realized “my story” doesn’t have to be an Oscar-winning film or a New York Times Best Seller.
Very few people live remarkable lives. There’s only one Bill Gates, one Mark Zuckerburg, one Stephen Hawking, etc., but that doesn’t mean your life is any less important or fulfilling. I’m not a climber. In fact, I have now learned to embrace being “average” and am motivated inwardly. Just because I haven’t set high goals to rise to the top of my company or never overcame some terrible obstacle (illness, homelessness, addiction, etc.) doesn’t mean I don’t have something to share.
This little blog is my place to share. My story is kind of mundane right now (is life ever really mundane with a toddler?), yet I wouldn’t have it any other way.
On that (much too wordy) note, I’m going to wrap things up. If you gained anything from this post, I hope it’s this: we all have our moments (our “quarter-life crises” or “ruts” or true bouts of depression), but we also have the power to dig up the positives buried beneath our struggles.
All it takes is a little perspective.
[linking up for thinking out loud]
- Do you struggle with negativity or are you a generally positive person?
- How do you keep a positive mindset?
It’s crazy to see those old unpublished posts. I usually end up deleting them but from time to time I read something from a long time ago and I’m like wow.
In general, I’ve struggled with negative thinking for a long time. Both my parents of some of the most negative people I know and instilled in me that you should always look for people’s flaws, complain, and really, I rarely hear them talk about good things. So that’s a huge influence. But since I haven’t lived with my parents in years, it has taken my own attitude changes to live a much happier life.
Comparison is still a huge trap for me. I just think the first year of motherhood has been so hard because all these other people are also doing motherhood in front of me and it feels like I’m doing it wrong because of how people publicize it on social media. I do the same thing as #2, but my thankfulness is just thanking the Lord for things and really having an attitude of gratitude toward what He has done. That helps so much.
I’m lucky that I grew up in a pretty positive household – although having depression/anxiety on both sides of the family probably contributed to my negativity.
I completely understand the motherhood thing. I try to avoid comparing myself to the perfect moms on social media and IRL but it’s really hard. Gratitude helps!
Love this! one of the ways I keep a positive mindset is not comparing myself to others. Also learning to be happy for others accomplishments and to focus on my own growth
That’s awesome, Lyss. What a great attitude to have!
I love your new perspective, and often find that positivity is contagious. Comparing to others is SO HARD to avoid, but the good news is that we both have a voice in that, too. With our public facing role, we have the ability to drive intentional inspiration, and that is what helps to make a more positive world.
Thanks for sharing!
XO, Jessica
http://www.semisweettooth.com
Thanks, Jessica. It really is hard not to compare, especially when you blog your life and read everybody else’s! You’re so right about positivity being contagious, though.
This is so great! We all hear about how important to be a positive person it is, or how we “just need to think on the bright side!” but it’s not that easy. I definitely think for me, comparing myself to others is my biggest downfall.
Also, the whole millennial this is so true – I know so many people who think they simply deserve to be successful because they’re alive. No. Not how the real world works.
Yep! While my parents did a great job teaching me to work for what I have, I still feel like – even as the very oldest of the “millennial generation” – I still was told “you’re so smart” and “you are great” more than I was told “you must work hard for X.” I guess it’s just our nature to compare.
It is amazing how a change of perspective really shifts the way I look at life. If I’m worried, one of the best reminders for me is that God is in control and that I can take every worry to Him. <3 He is a good Heavenly Daddy.
Yes, it is always so comforting to remember that God is in control and sometimes we just have to sit back and trust the outcome.
These are great tips, recognizing how much I have to be thankful for is one way I get out of a negative mind set.
Thanks, Sarah. Yes, gratitude has made the biggest difference for me, too!
I love this post! I’m a pretty positive person, but I can get down when I compare myself to other bloggers too much. Lately, I’ve been focusing on being the best mom I can be and it might be simple but it’s my most important job so I feel good about it. Just like you said, I’ve stopped climbing and I’m accepting my average but amazing life.
Thanks, Sara! I totally agree that motherhood is our most important job. I’d rather be a successful mom than the CEO of my company or some celebrity. That’s such a great mindset you have.
I’d consider myself a positive person. I try to believe in myself and own my story. When I really need a boost, I lean on God and it mostly works. I cannot say I don’t have my doubts, but when I look over my life, I am happy and content and that is enough for me 🙂
That is awesome, Ellie. I think it’s completely normal to have doubts, but being able to say “I’m content with my life” is a wonderful thing.
Love this post! I started consciously practicing gratitude a couple of years ago, and while it felt weird at first, it’s definitely made a HUGE impact in my overall happiness. There are so many things we have to be grateful for, and we miss out on that if we choose to focus only on the thing we think we lack.
Thanks, Amanda. Your blog was one of the places I got the gratitude jar idea from! We really do miss out when we focus only on what we *think* we lack.
I seriously love this post so much and can totally relate. Not about the pregnancy part 😉 … but about being a millennial, introvert (HATE small talk), accepting the “average” person in me, not always having to push forward to be “bigger and better”, not looking to outside influences in comparison. This post is so right on and I love. I’ve been trying to practice gratitude a bit more and I think I need to start diving deeper. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks, Ashley <3 Yes, daily gratitude has made such a big difference for me. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates small talk 😉
I feel very unaccomplished when compared to my peers. However, I do have an awesome job and I am going to start studying for the GRE to go to graduate school. I do let myself feel negative for a little bit, however I always create a plan of action to move forward. Excellent post. http://www.supersana.com
Thanks, Sana. Having a plan of action is so important to avoid getting stuck in negative thinking. Good luck with the GRE and applying to grad schools!
I love this post! When my husband was having a difficult time at his job, someone recommended he start a gratitude jar too. I think it helped him a good bit.
I am on the same page as you when it comes to learning to enjoy life rather than wish I was somewhere different. Appreciating where I am at and the uniqueness of my own journey has been so helpful.
Thanks, Kate. Back years ago when I was having a tough time at my job I wish I’d known of the gratitude jar sooner – it might’ve saved me some stress and sulking. Glad your husband was able to benefit, and I agree it’s all about making the most of where you are.
I love the idea of a gratitude jar! I have tried gratitude journaling and it was really helpful but I haven’t kept up with it. Great post!
Thanks, Carly. It was definitely hard to keep up when I did it daily, but I think it’s worthwhile even if you do it randomly or once a week!
I definitely relate to the realization that your story doesn’t have to be newsworthy, it just has to be what will make you feel happy and fulfilled in the long run. I don’t really care if I receive recognition for my accomplishments from society, because that hasn’t made me happy in the past. What makes me happy is my relationship, my family and friends, running, cooking – that’s what is important.
That’s awesome you’re at a place where you truly know what’s important. I used to be all about the recognition, but now I realize it’s just not as important as being myself and being happy. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment.
I love this–I struggle with this on a daily basis! I want to be positive but often find myself comparing myself to others and where they are in life. I’m trying to be more mindful and content where I am not and not comparing so often. Thanks for sharing these tips!
It’s really hard sometimes to forget the comparisons, but I think it’s awesome you’re aware and mindful of your attitude.
Love! I had gotten into the habit of complaining and a few years ago I woke and looked at myself and thought, “who is this negative person?” I did something similar to what you have done and when you repeat it day after day, it becomes part of you. It truly changes your life!
Thanks, Lisa. I went through a really negative period, too, a few years ago. Thankfully, I barely recognize that person. You’re so right about gratitude changing your life!
Such good stuff here! Happy to find your blog through Angela’s Friday shout outs. Gratitude…truly practicing it… mindful gratitude…giving it, receiving it, living it… this is my number one when it comes to living a positive life with a heart full of love and contentment. Not always easy but surely a powerful powerful thing in shaping how we think, feel… LIVE. Looking forward to reading more of your blog. I’m recently dusting off my own.
Thanks, Amanda – I’m happy you made your way here, too!
You’re right. It’s not always easy to mindfully practice gratitude and have a heart full of love, but it’s very important and powerful.
Great list! Number 1 was life changing for me. I grew up in a family where my parents compared us to anyone they saw that was high achieving. And while it did make us work hard and perform relatively well. I made us miserable too. Not just me but my sister and brother too. Being able to let go of that and live my own life really ‘set me free’ so to speak.
I’m still working on #3 though. I’ve always been an introvert and kept to myself. So opening up naturally to others takes a bit of work and time for me. Hopefully I’ll get there someday.
Thank you – I’m glad the list resonated with you. I completely understand. My parents weren’t overly pushy, but I think by always praising me and telling me how great I was (like all good parents do, haha), it made me extremely competitive and hard on myself.
Opening up and putting ourselves out there really can be tough. I hope we both can improve that.
I love this post. It’s so easy to build walls, fall in the comparison trap and think you are never enough. What’s even easier is to STOP all that and realize what a beautiful world we live in and it’s actually much nicer to be happy.
Thanks so much, Julie. It is easy, but the good thing is, with practice, it gets easier to look past the “trap” too.