Now that I’m an adult (I’ve been “adulting” for over a decade now, who am I kidding?), I’ve learned a lot about the value of time and what it means to be busy.
I used to roll my eyes at my mother when she talked about time passing so quickly each year. However, now that I’m part of the 9-5 life and have my own child who seems to grow and change by the minute, I completely understand what she meant.
Time goes by quickly.
And we don’t have enough of it.
And with not having enough time—time for exercise, time for treating ourselves, time for slow neighborhood walks with our significant other or coffee dates with lifelong friends—comes the notion of “too busy.”
Yes, most of us are busy. We have jobs, responsibilities, and desires to enjoy the big, beautiful world around us. To nurture relationships, discover new places, and move up the corporate ladder.
So if we all agree that having obligations and pastimes is just part of existing in the world, then why have we created this obsession with being busy?
The Glorification of Busy
Few things grate my nerves more than a woman—or a man—who constantly boasts about how busy they are.
The ones whose planners are overflowing and whose children spend more time en route to their next extracurricular instead of in their own home.
The one who works late every night of the week (by choice) and whose roommate complains they see one another only in passing.
Why do we feel being able to check anther “to-do” off our list, regrettably denying another birthday party invite, or rescheduling a coffee date for the third time is somehow a status-booster?
There’s More to Life Than Busy
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend my entire life being busy.
Maybe it’s because my sleep and “me-time” are both limited these days, but I relish the weekends and evenings when I have nothing on my agenda.
I adore being able to immediately agree to dinner with friends on a Friday night rather than having to consult 3 different calendars.
Busy does not always = productive.
And busy certainly does not always = happy. Or fulfilled.
When you are too busy to make time for your loved ones or do something that brings you pleasure, you’re not getting ahead.
Call me lazy—or just call me crazy—but I don’t want to be that person who’s always too busy.
I want to make time to stack building blocks with my son.
I want to reconnect with my old friends over a cocktail instead of a brief mention on Facebook.
I want to watch the sunset and let the laundry pile up and spend my free time immersed in activities that bring me joy instead of spreading myself so thin that I crack.
Maybe it’s because I was too involved and active during high school and college to really “discover” myself or relax, but as I’ve grown, I’ve realized that life is too short to fill with too much.
I’m not saying to avoid any type of commitment or spend your days vegetating in front of the TV. But I do think it’s worth reconsidering our culture of “busy-ness” and learning to smell the proverbial roses.
We owe it to ourselves to discover what challenges and fulfills us—whether that be travel, managing a company, leading our child’s PTO, or running 3 different small businesses—but there comes a time when we cross into the territory of “too busy” or “overwhelmed.”
I do not want to live my life with regrets or wishing that I had done more, but more than that, I want to create memories and savor the fleeting moments of life with those whom I love most.
[linking up for thinking out loud]
So tell me…
- Do you think there’s a “glorification of busy” in our culture?
- Have you ever regretted taking on a new commitment because it left you spread too thin?
- What is your favorite way to relax or slow down?
I’ve learned to avoid being too busy. After working more than one job and never having free time for so long, a night in with nothing to do sounds GREAT. I think sometimes I make myself think I’m being lazy or not motivated enough, but I think it’s just ingrained in me that couch time should be used for something else. Oh well, I’ll just keep enjoying my netflix 😉
I’ve been there with the 2 jobs, too! It was no fun. Before we had a kid, I used to HATE being stuck at home or just sleeping in to laze around and watch TV. Now I wish I had more of it. But I hear you on the having it ingrained that couch time should be productive. A small part of me struggles with that, too.
For me, I get into that busy cycle when I am trying to avoid facing something I am dealing with. Being busy allows me to push it away and not deal with it. I actually love my roommate in this because she has an active social life, but also has days when she does nothing. Like seriously nothing. She is a good reminder for me to not have to be productive all the time.
Great point about using the busy cycle as an excuse to avoid something you don’t want to deal with. I’ve definitely done the same!
Sounds like your roommate has a good balance.
There is most definitely a glorification of busy in our culture and it is what I find so many people to use an excuse. “I’m too busy to do this” or “I’m too busy to do that,” when it comes to things that people are just trying to avoid. I always try to make time for “me” whether it be a workout or just some time on the couch, with absolutely no guilt attached.
Yes, it just becomes an excuse! I think that’s my main problem. It’s ok to have a commitment that “takes priority” but to just use “I’m so busy” as an excuse just gets on my nerves. Props for making time for yourself without the guilt!
I feel like I go through phases of busyness… I have times where I feel like I do nothing but work (the last 4 months), and then times where I get to be a lot more lax (now). There’s definitely a glorification of it, though… as if not being crazy busy automatically means you’re lazy or not doing as much as you could/should. Like… what? 😯
Working on a cookbook definitely is a GOOD reason to say “I’m busy…” 🙂
The lazy thing really gets to me. It’s ok to have many commitments and let people know that something is a bigger priority, but it’s just awful to make somebody feel guilty or lazy just because they CHOOSE to have more free time.
Yesss I think there is definitely a glorification of busy in our culture!! Relaxation time for me is essential to my mental health, but it gets annoying when I hear someone boast about how they never have time to even sit and watch a TV show or that they’re always on the go- and I think this is why we attach guilt to just sitting and being; because we always feel like we should be doing something! Great post Catherine 🙂 xoxo
I’m glad you mentioned mental health! I feel like being too busy all the time and falling into that “I must be doing X” and “not doing X means I’m lazy” is just terrible for our mental health. I’m glad you’ve found a good balance. 🙂
For my job, I read a lot of articles about American work culture and YES. There is such an imbalance. I think it’s another manifestation of American culture trending toward extremes instead of moderation. I’m glad you’re making that choice not to buy into the rat race, though. I’m sure your son will appreciate your company more than your boss ever could 🙂 Best wishes.
It very much is an American work culture thing – and I just refuse to buy into it. Sacrifices have to be made sometimes, of course, but when a good job or another opportunity means that I have to constantly give up family or “me time” then it just isn’t worth it.
Thanks for the well wishes and right back at you. 🙂
Of course love this! I completely agree that society seems to think busy is good when in reality it’s exhausting and annoying to be around busy people. Another blog post I read recently said something like instead of saying “I’m so busy” what if you said “Sorry, I’m not going to make that a priority.” And that’s the truth when people are too busy for us anyway, that we’re not a priority to them. And that’s a lot harder to say than just a simple “oh I’m so busy.”
I so agree that busy is not always better. I find that being less busy and doing less creates more content and more structure for me. When I work endlessly on something, it isn’t as good because I don’t have time to refocus and see something other than the work I’m doing. We all need that time away.
I think I read the same thing recently (though I have NO idea where it was or who wrote it – or else I would have given some credit to the idea). It just sounds so awful to make another person feel like you’re always too busy. I’d rather them say, “sorry I have a bigger priority” than just brush me off.
I am the same way with focus/structure and less on my plate. I think it’s because I’m a terrible multitasker!
I have to stop myself from complain gin about being too busy, because it bugs me so much whenever others do it. I find myself acting hypocritically though when that same phrase comes out of my mouth! It’s really something I’ve tried to work on recently, and I’m getting better at it. It’s all about the priorities!
Yes, it really is about priorities and what we’re willing to sacrifice.
As for the hypocrisy thing, I struggle with that, too. In fact, most of my posts like this are kind of written at myself as much as (or more than) they are at others. 🙂
Yesssssssssss, I love this! People really do almost worship busy-ness! It’s almost like if you talk about free time or looking after yourself, you’re looked down upon – but if you talk about how jam packed your schedule is and how you don’t even have time to buy groceries or cook dinner or work out? Hero mode!
There really is so much more to life than being busy! In the last year I’ve had to learn to say no a lot more. I’m a people pleaser so I was always saying yes when asked if I could help out with something/be part of a team/do this favour etc but I was SO busy I didn’t have time to do anything I needed to do – and I didn’t have the physical energy to do anything well.
I used to struggle with saying “no” too, so I totally get you! Having too much on our plates just sucks the fun/benefit/etc out of ALL of it.
You’re so right about the hero mode thing. Don’t get me wrong, people – especially parents – who juggle a lot ARE heroes, but that doesn’t mean that somebody with fewer responsibilities is lazy or somehow less of a person.
YOU are not crazy. I didn’t realize how sucked in I was to just the ‘fact’ of being busy because it made me sound good and productive to everybody, but like you said, I realized that busy is not always productive and efficient. Busy does not make relationships. It could even break relationships. I go through phases of more activity, but lately, I’ve really been making an effort to say no to the right things and do the things that I think God has for me. I love relaxing. I love just sitting and coloring, because it is just so worth it to step back and think about life, reflect, and just be thankful. If I don’t stop being busy, I don’t have time to just really look at and marvel at all the blessings.
I want to reach through and hug you and simply say, ‘Thank you for this reminder.’
Thanks for the reassurance I’m not crazy. 😉
You’re so right that “busy” could break relationships – in fact, I’ve seen many friendships not fail but sort of drift because of that mindset.
You just reminded me that I need to dig out my coloring book and pencils sometime soon. I’ve barely used it and I need that relaxation time!
Thanks for reading and for your supportive comment, Emily <3
I love this post so much and it’s exactly how I feel. Sometimes I think people want trophies and medals for being *so* busy. But busy looks and feels different for everyone, too! I’m learning to just not compare my schedule to others because (especially in this interim stage) I’m really not busy in the big scheme of things. The things I do for my mental and physical health are necessary and, while I can’t speak for what my future might hold, I hope to keep them a priority.
I’m glad you can relate, Emily. Busy really does look different for everybody. Some people (not me!) thrive on a super full schedule, whereas others need much more downtime. I guess the big thing is how you use that time and how you fit OTHERS into your schedule, too. I think you should enjoy the stage that you’re in and form good habits (which you already have since you are a runner and eat healthy foods) while you have the time.
I love this and I totally agree with you – our society almost certainly glorifies the notion of busy-ness even when there’s nothing to qualify it. A lot of the time I find that I feel most busied by self-imposed factors that I feel I should be doing. For me, things I truly enjoy become sources of stress as soon as I decide it’s something that needs to go on a to-do list. I think we all need to take a step back and just evaluate what it is ourselves and those around us want out of life and whether the things that we do day in day out are helping us to have that life – if not, maybe it’s time to reconsider.
I’m glad you can relate. I agree that sometimes our “to do list-ing” of things we live can suck the joy right out of them. We all could stand to slow down!