I wrote this post several months ago when I was feeling discouraged and, honestly, a bit jealous. I thought for sure while re-reading that it was too negative to share, but then I decided “to hell with it—I am going to post it anyway.” Sometimes we feel angry…or jealous…or bitter…or stuck. This was during one of those moments. Anyway, please feel free to disagree and don’t be afraid to tell me “you’re so wrong!” I want to be challenged and always encourage constructive discourse!
Even though I’ve talked a bunch about avoiding the comparison trap, that doesn’t mean that I’m 100% immune to it.
In fact, when I hear about others quitting their fulltime jobs so they can “pursue their dreams,” I get a little envious and cynical.
Do those people not grasp how fortunate they are that they get to be their own boss and make their own rules?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m genuinely happy when somebody I know is able to realize their dreams. I think it’s incredible that we live in a world where we have so many resources at our fingertips that enable us to be self-employed or to work remotely or to create beautiful things.
And, yet, I often feel like my generation and the one following it have their heads a little too far up in the clouds.
This post might ruffle some feathers—and I am not trying to discourage anybody from taking big risks—but I am going to state a fact:
Not everybody gets to live their passion…and that’s more than ok.
It seems like everything I read nowadays encourages young people to “refuse to settle” or to “forge their own path” if they aren’t fully satisfied with what they have.
By no means should we succumb to a life of misery—believe me, I’ve gone through a lengthy period where I was miserable and confused and bored and unsatisfied—but I didn’t really have the luxury (or vision) to “do my own thing.”
Maybe I’m the exception, because now that I’ve toughed it out and made some internal changes, I’m generally happy and fulfilled and no longer dread waking when my alarm sounds.
No, I’m not creating beautiful art or food, researching cures for diseases, or saving the world, but I am part of a chain that creates and maintains something important.
As evidenced by this blog, my true passions in life are writing and creating. I enjoy being challenged in my thoughts, seeing places that are outside of my immediate world, and savoring experiences that don’t happen within the walls of my shared office, but I can’t support myself or my family on that.
With hard work, vision, and creativity, yes, so many people can make a living doing what they love. But imagine if every single one of us did that?
Can you imagine trying to buy groceries? Or setting an appointment with your doctor? Or, hell, having to haul your own garbage to the dump site?
Some jobs just aren’t glamorous, and that doesn’t mean the people who fill them are failures for not “dreaming big enough” or “seizing the day.”
//via//
In reading up to this point, I realize I sound kind of bitter. Maybe I am a little. I mean, I feel like I’ve been told my entire life “you can do anything,” and who doesn’t want a life where they are paid and rewarded for doing something they would do anyway? But on the other hand, I think I’m just convincing myself that it’s OK to be a realist and that I’m only one of billions on this planet.
I’m lucky to have a job. I’m lucky to be a part of something bigger than myself—both at work and within my personal life (I’m raising a son!). I’m also lucky that I have an outlet I can turn to whenever those things feel overwhelming and that I can take a break from said outlet without repercussions (none of my bills are paid because of the blog).
We sometimes hear that spending too much time doing the thing we love becomes burdensome. And I’m not telling you that you should give up on finding that special path or career that allows you to get paid for your passion. I’m just saying that for many of us, it comes down to this: sometimes you must love what you do rather than do what you love.
In my journey to be a more positive and grateful person, I realize that while I may not be “living my passion,” I have the luxury of turning to that passion when I truly need it.
I can still create. I can still learn things on my own time. And even though I am 32, I can still pursue a new future should that fire ever light itself.
To sum things up, I hope you have the cajones and opportunities to make choices that will lead to happiness and fulfillment. But if you’re discouraged because you aren’t living the self-employed dream of our generation, just remember that happiness is a product of how we choose to view our circumstances.
Happiness is a product of how we view our circumstances #TOL Share on XYou don’t have to settle, but you don’t have to feel like you’re not measuring up to everybody around you.
[linking up for thinking out loud]
So tell me…
- What is your dream job?
- Have you ever felt like a failure because you weren’t taking big enough risks or “seizing the day?”
You do have a way with words…
You know what… This made me think of how grateful I am to go and write a blog post; it’s like a wonderful refreshment to get back into doing laundry and cleaning and things I don’t love as much. It gives me vigor and excitement about them. I agree with this; and I’m grateful that my mommy didn’t necessarily live her passion but she lived out love for us as a mom.
I feel the same way about writing blog posts – well, usually, unless I just can’t find the time.
A few months ago, I read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. In that book, she encourages everyone to pursue their creative passions. It’s necessary, I think, to have an outlet that allows you to do what you were made to do – to create something else, to have dreams, write them down and work on making them reality. But, Ms Gilbert says, don’t put the pressure on that creative outlet to pay your bills. For a long time, she was a writer, she published several books, but she kept her “day job” so that she could write what she wanted, when she wanted, spend as much time with it is so she got it exactly the way she wanted, without needing to publish it now because the rent needs to be paid.
Getting a day job doesn’t have to be a compromise. In fact, it can be just the thing that you need to bring structure to your life so you can focus your free time on indulging your creative side.
Hope this helps if you’re still looking for answers.
I agree so much! I’ve actually been wanting to read that book.
As frustrating as my day job gets sometimes, I actually am grateful for the routine and normalcy it brings (and the paycheck, of course). I think I’ve spent too long thinking I wasn’t measuring up to my more driven, risk-taking peers, that it took a lot of convincing to realize that having an “average” job/life isn’t a compromise but a preference.
Thanks for such a thoughtful comment.
Thank you for posting this because I have definitely felt inadeaute and mediocre because of my ordinary life. I actually wrote a post about my struggle with this here if you wanna check it out: http://apronstringsandstickyfingers.com/2016/10/06/ordinary-life-important/
We need the world to be filled with all sorts of people no matter how boring their lives or dreams may seem.
I remember your post – enjoyed reading it!
Your right – we need all sorts of people in the world.
consider the possibility that some people don’t want to “live their passion,” or rather, some people don’t even have a “passion.” some people are just happy to live a small, simple life. there is nothing wrong with that, even though these days we are taught that we are supposed to want to be unique and special. is it possible that you are one of these people? it sounds like you have been raised to drive towards big goals, but is it possible that is not inherently in your nature? the most important part of finding happiness is to be true to yourself, even if your true self doesn’t inspire or impress in those big, splashy ways. it is a great gift to be content with a small, plain, and rich life.
Wise words 🙂
I think it’s a result of the culture/millennial upbringing (or in my case, borderline millennial since I’m old) 😉
I am actually really lucky because I do have my dream job, however, I always think it’s important for people to know that it’s not all sunshine and daisies. I don’t jump out of bed every day ready to conquer the world and feeling incredible and I am not always joyous when working. I have clients who are stressful and days where I feel like throwing the towel in and going for the easy route – but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side so I don’t think you should ever try and compare your situation to others an feel like you’re “not good enough”. You’re the only you you can be!
Agreed! I think it’s great you have your dream job, but I’d never think it didn’t have its ups and downs.
You’re so right about the grass always seeming greener…we all could stand to appreciate our own situations more…or make the effort to change them if we’re truly unsatisfied.
love this so much Catherine, and it is something I have thought about lately. My dream job would honestly just to be a full-time blogger and get paid to write/make videos/coach others on their journey to self-love. But that isn’t realistic and I do want to be able to work as a therapist, which will require a lot of schooling.
Sometimes I do feel like I’m failing If I’m not taking enough risks or putting myself out there enough. It is hard for me to be spontaneous and not follow a routine, but I am working on that.
I think you can do both! 🙂 Spontaneity doesn’t come naturally to me either, but I think some of us are just meant to be that way.