Anybody else have a terrible habit of critiquing every single photo that’s taken of themselves? Surely I am not the only one who does this regularly.

It’s a shame, right?

I am not the first person to talk about reframing critical body image thoughts, but after gaining some inspiration from Kylie’s post and noticing some of my own negative thinking patterns earlier this week via Instagram, I thought it would be an interesting topic for me to expand on, too.

In a culture that is so consumed with perfectly sculpted bodies, losing weight, gaining muscle, erasing fine lines, camouflaging the grey, it’s no wonder that so many of us—most of us, I’d venture to say—have a hard time enjoying and sharing photos of ourselves.

And yet, our society is also consumed with capturing all the things, so much so that anytime you go to a concert, half of the audience is watching through the rectangular screen of their phones instead of through the live action right in front of them!

Being inundated with curated images and “flawless” bodies isn’t going away, so what are we to do about it?

First, we need to understand why these feelings arise.

Ask anybody who’s ever dealt with an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, or everyday critical body image thoughts, and they will tell you the same thing: it’s much deeper than looks.

Tearing apart our appearance and our size is just one coping mechanism for dealing with other anxieties, judgments, and feelings we face in our emotional lives.

When I’m disappointed in myself for acting a certain way, offending a good friend or family member, or failing at something I worked hard to achieve, I often deflect or numb so I can make those uncomfortable feelings go way.

But, of course that only works so well for so long before I’m drowning in sticky, weighty negative thoughts. And the root of the issue is still right there—except it’s even deeper.

So, next time you find yourself critiquing your “flaws” in a photo, ask yourself these questions:

Am I currently upset at or fearful of something?

What was I feeling in this particular moment?

What am I going to gain from this negative behavior?

What would I tell a friend if this was a photo of him/her?

Instead of focusing on physical features that you probably can’t even change (without extensive work, at least), try focusing on the happy moment—the vacation you were enjoying, the hilarious joke being told, the gorgeous sunny day that may have cast a weird shadow across your face. Focus on the joy—because that’s what photos are supposed to do: act as tangible proof of a joyful or important time in our lives.

Second, challenge yourself to practice kindness.

One of the most beneficial things I’ve learned in therapy is that we all owe ourselves self-compassion and kindness.

When we are in pain, it’s ok to deeply feel that pain. In fact, it’s essential, because if we neglect our hurt, we never truly heal from it. We numb, we bury, we brush off—but it’s still there.

So, allow yourself to feel whatever emotion was triggered by a particular image, because all of your emotions are valid. But be kind. Remind yourself that hurt feelings are simply a consequence of living in this messy, complicated, beautiful world, and remind yourself that your purpose is not to suffer, but to grow and flourish.

Lastly, when you do begin to accept your hurt feelings in a compassionate way, challenge yourself even further by countering with something positive.

When I decided to post the last photo that triggered me, I was still aware of the things I perceived as obvious flaws, but I chose to focus on the positives from that day.

“Fat arms” = the strong, capable tools I use to practice my fledgling photography skills (and carry my son…do handstands…paint pictures…just to name a couple more)

“Pudgy stomach” = satisfaction and joy from a delicious brunch and cold, tasty new-to-me local beer shared with my husband

“Messy hair in my face” = spending a gorgeous (though humid and hot!) day outside in my beautiful city instead of being cooped up // my good friend did such a great job highlighting and cutting my hair—I can’t wait to go back later this month

“Awkward posture” = hmmm…I should wear my pretty Target-impulse-buy-skirt more often // my city is so quirky with its canons and Battleship and other special places // how fortunate I am that my husband thinks I’m beautiful and will take pictures of me when I ~~force~~ ask him

For every negative emotion, there is a positive one. For every perceived flaw we see in ourselves, there is somebody who admires those very traits.

I admit it, it’s really easy to focus on the negative, especially when it seems like everybody else is sharing beautiful, curated images and flawless photos of themselves. But you know what? Nothing is perfect. And I kind of like living in a messy world because it makes things interesting.

Some tips for reframing critical body image thoughts #selfcompassion #selflove Share on X

[linking up with Amanda for thinking out loud]