In a two-day span, I saw this quote in several different places, and it resonated strongly with me:
Isn’t that great?
Of course this quote got me thinking because, even as an adult and somebody who, in many ways, is over and done with trying to impress people, I still struggle with, well, trying to impress people.
As an Enneagram 6, I yearn to be liked. I need to know that the authority figures in my life approve of me, and I crave the feelings of worthiness, competence, love, and respect.
And, yet, if I am being true to myself and my convictions, living in the moment, finding joy among my numerous blessings, and doing my best to practice kindness and compassion in this vibrant world, then isn’t that enough?
Isn’t acknowledging my purpose and nurturing my body, mind, and soul in the most honest and affectionate ways the best that I can do?
If only it were so easy.
In the words of Brene Brown, “you are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
But that doesn’t mean that everybody will like you and respect you.
It simply means that, by virtue of existing in this world, and choosing to show the world both your darkness and your light, you are worthy.
That means your worthiness isn’t quantified by a supervisor’s praise of a “good job.”
Nor is it measured by the size imprinted on the tag of your pants.
Your worthiness isn’t something enumerated by likes, retweets, paid endorsements, or compliments from admirers.
Nor is it something accumulated through advanced degrees and certifications.
The other day I let my sensitivity get the best of me. My feelings were hurt when I felt like a family member dismissed something I’d shared.
Instead of having a conversation or asking a question, the immediate reaction was “that’s phony.” And I really let it get to me. I was angry because I felt invalidated.
Then, a couple days later, I was on the defensive again.
I’ve always felt “less than” in the workplace. I’m younger, quieter, more educated (than some) but less experienced, and I don’t always find the words I need to stand up for myself or contribute a new idea to the table.
But this time, as I struggled to explain things in way others understood, I became defensive. And then I shut down.
I took it personally. But, deeper than that, I let those reactions—which said nothing about me as a person—affect and define me. For a moment, however brief, I let another’s opinion, not even of me but of something I’d said, become my business.
What other people think of you is none of your business... Share on XI can’t impress everyone.
I won’t be everybody’s best friend.
Some people may even think I’m disingenuous or self-centered or entitled or crass.
But I can’t let that become my business, as long as I’m being true to myself and treating others with kindness and respect.
That goes for you, too. You cannot control how other people react to the things you do or say, but you can control how you respond to those reactions and continue being authentic and vulnerable.
So tell me…
- When’s the last time you let somebody else’s opinion of you wrongly become your business?
- What is your advice to people who constantly seek approval?
It took me a long time, but I’m slowly learning that often when people criticize me and my message it’s because they are miserable themselves. I wrote this post in April along the same lines. http://slappyintheface.com/simple-changes-brought-peace/ As long as you like yourself, then nobody else’s opinion matters.
…”it’s because they’re miserable themselves.” <-- Yep. I'm realizing that too.
I’ve never heard of the Enneagram thing but I know my Myers Briggs score and I think we’re probably pretty similar. I’m an ISTJ and I often feel the same way. I try not to care about what others think but it’s hard sometimes. The good news is, eventually you get old enough that you really just don’t care! Haha! But seriously, it’s hard and my only advice, which I need to remind myself of, is that Dr. Seuss saying, “the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter, don’t mind.” ❤️
I love that Dr. Seuss saying – such a wise man! 🙂 I am an INFJ (sometimes leaning INTJ), so yeah, definitely similar personalities.
it’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to be your friend… as someone who likes control in life these are things I cannot control- and I have to make peace with that !
Yep! We simply cannot control other people’s reactions or opinions, no matter how hard we try.
It can really be humbling when you have a certain level of education and find that it none of it matters in your workplace or to the people around you.
It depends. Too often I see people who have that “I don’t care what people think” perspective completely lacking in decorum. I have a public job, as in outside and viewable by everyone, including management. I can’t do anything about what people think in general, but maybe thanks to being highly self-conscious, I’m motivated by not being seen as a lazy worthless worker so every move I make is guided by that while a lot of people don’t care how they exhibit themselves.
Along those lines, and regarding a comment about the critiquing people being “miserable,” it isn’t something to just dismiss as they will blame others around them for that misery. Oddly enough, those aggravating people could be the inefficient and shiftless co-workers floating through the day with the happy, blissfully ignorant and “I don’t care what everyone thinks” mindset.
I agree with much of what you said. In some ways, I do pretty well at not caring what others think, but in other ways, I really do care – and I think that attitude makes me a better, more conscientious employee. Too relaxed an attitude can backfire!