It seems our society places a whole lot of emphasis on being tough.

On holding ourselves together and never wavering when we face challenges and difficulties.

On not letting things—hurtful comments, defiant children, micro-managing bosses—get under our skin, or at least keeping the tears contained to a slight moistening.

But what if we threw out the notion that “hard = good,” and placed more value on softness?

It’s Time to Soften

Since I’ve become a mother, I’ve become softer in many ways. Physically, being the most obvious, since I still carry with me “extra love” from my pregnancy and nursing days.

But I’ve also become a bit softer regarding my perfectionistic tendencies—toward both myself and my family. 

That’s not to say I don’t sometimes (often?) over-react concerning certain behaviors, decisions, or household events, but on the whole, I think I’ve become more forgiving of my own flaws and more accepting of the reality that my family members are going to think differently and my son is going to develop differently than the baby books and my preconceptions indicate.

But in other ways, I’m still hard.

I sometimes pretend to be tougher than I am.

If something’s bothering me, I’ll usually pretend everything is fine just so others don’t have to share in it.

I rarely cry.

I used to be such a crier, and I miss it! That may sound strange to some of you, but I miss the therapeutic release that a good cry can give.

When we cry, it’s because we’ve softened our emotional facades and restraints. We’ve literally softened our muscles and allowed the tears to flow instead of tensing up to keep the waterworks from bursting.

(I’m not exaggerating. I’ve found that when I’m upset and on the verge of tears, I feel my jaw and shoulders tighten.)

One thing I’ve learned and held onto tightly over the last couple of years is this: it’s ok to deeply feel your emotions.

In fact, it’s essential to do so.

So what would happen if we all did this?

If each of us admitted there are times we struggle, permitted others see our suffering, and allowed ourselves to be soft?

I think we would be a lot more forgiving, compassionate, and empathic.

We’d probably be able to communicate our expectations and disappointments better.

And, truthfully, I don’t think it would hinder us in our dreams or perseverance, because resiliency and success aren’t measured by how unbreakable or unfaltering we are. Being resilient means that we break down and piece ourselves back together. That we fall repeatedly but always manage to get back up.

I don’t know about you, but when I think about my legacy or how I want people to think of me, I don’t wish to be seen as a human statue.

I don’t want my loved ones to lament how I never “let them in” or taught them to avoid reality.

I want to be soft. To be deeply moved and molded by beauty and sorrow and to experience a full range of human emotions because that is exactly what makes life memorable.

Don’t you want the same?

Instead of toughening up, maybe it's time to soften Share on X

So tell me…

• In what ways do you “harden” your exterior?
• Do you consider yourself to be tough or soft?