Parenting is never easy, and we’ve all been that struggling mom at one point or another. This is an open letter to you moms (and dads and “nontraditional” caregivers, too, as I’m sure you can relate to much of this) when you’re feeling your lowest.
To the struggling mom…
I see you over there in your stained sweatpants, and I hear you as you repeat that ever-growing “to-do” list out loud so it sinks in. In fact, I AM you.
There’s not a single day that goes by where I don’t question something about my parenting skills.
Was I too harsh when I fussed at my son?
Am I spending enough time with my family?
Why can’t I keep an immaculate house like the Instagram moms showcase throughout their perfectly curated feeds?
Am I irreparably screwing up my child?
I know you’ve had these questions, too. In fact, RIGHT NOW you may feel like you don’t measure up.
That you always say and do the wrong things.
That your child doesn’t respect you, or worse, hates you.
But here’s where I ask you some basic questions.
Is your child clean?
Fed?
Getting at least some sleep in a cozy bed?
Does your child run and giggle and climb into your lap to tell you his funny jokes?
Does your child excitedly tell you about what she learned at school?
About her new friends?
Or her latest and greatest dreams for the future?
Maybe you don’t get to spend enough time with your children because you work 2 jobs to pay the bills.
Or perhaps you’ve sent your child to stay with grandparents while you sort through the struggles that keep you from being the best parent you can be.
Or, god forbid, you’re grieving the loss of a child taken too soon—through miscarriage, divorce, or even worse, death from an accident or illness.
You’re still mama. And you’re still strong.
You were chosen for THIS JOB. Even when the waves of uncertainty and disappointment pull you below the surface, you’re meant for this.
You will never be perfect, so stop using “perfection” as a gold standard.
Motherhood is messy.
It’s sometimes painful, and it’s often frustrating.
You will say and do the wrong things. You will cry and yell and let too many (inevitably repeated) curse words fly.
You will desperately need help but refuse to ask for fear of judgment. And you’ll feel that you’re neglecting your spouse or that your marriage is stale.
And then there will be times when you soar.
When your child looks you in the eye, smiles, and shows you how much he HEARS and SEES you.
Or when your child cleans her room without being asked or when she tells you a story of how she shared her lunch with a child who was hungry.
When the hugs and kisses flow freely. And when your spouse witnesses those tender moments and tells you what an incredible mommy you are and that you’re always in this together.
Those are the moments that matter. The measures that sustain us through this wild, unpredictable, but oh-so-important ride.
So mama, keep those sweet moments in the front of your mind and always remember that you’re never riding alone.
Some moms have ridden this rollercoaster several times and can predict all the twists and turns, and others are anxiously waiting, tickets in hand, for their turn. Still, most of us are clinging onto the safety bar, filled with equal parts fear and exhilaration, waiting for the next climb and the next drop.
No matter how you view the ride or whether you’re watching from the ground below, you are never, ever alone.
An open letter to the struggling mom... Share on XSo tell me…
- What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a mother?
- To the non-moms out there: do you struggle to find community or a place in your current season of life?
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