We’re still talking about the self-care—all the time.

I try to “practice” it, and I often look for new ways to engage in activities or habits that are “good” for me.

Nevertheless, I think there’s a problem with self-care as a trend.

We all know that self-care doesn’t have to be monthly pedicures, fancy spa dates, entirely organic diets, or memberships to expensive boutique fitness studios.

And we know that sometimes taking care of oneself can be pretty boring—like taking our medication, showing up for doctor appointments, saying “no” to an event, or resting an extra day instead of jumping back into our routines.

But let’s be honest: the way we talk about self-care can be problematic.

First of all, the simple notion of setting aside a non-negotiable time and budget for self-care denotes a certain amount of privilege.

Wellness enthusiasts shout from their podiums that everybody has the time to care for themselves, they just have to make it and demand it.

That might be easy if you work part-time, have extra spending money, and have the support to watch after your children while you take time for yourself.

But what if you’re the sole provider? The mom who’s working 2 jobs, shuttling little ones to and from school, trying to keep your head above water while ensuring your family is fed? Or what if you suffer from a debilitating autoimmune disease or your spouse was recently deployed overseas? What if you’re a single dad (because this doesn’t apply just to moms, but to all caretakers)?

Is it really fair to tell those individuals who are trying their best, “well, if you really cared about yourself you’d simply make time for it?”

Of course not! 

I say all this because it’s easy to get caught up in our own situations and privilege and expect others to be able to arrange their lives and their free time the same ways we do. I’m guilty of it myself.

But that’s not caring. 

That’s unfair, and that’s creating more guilt, more self-loathing, more unbalanced health, and more feelings of inadequacy—which are exactly the things self-care is supposed to reduce and heal!

The next time you share that #selfcare meme or Instagram post remember: self-care looks different on each of us.

Not making time for an act of wellness or a “retreat” from daily stressors doesn’t mean somebody isn’t trying hard enough. Or that they’re self-sabotaging.

It may simply mean they truly don’t have time or energy for anything else. That passing over a yoga class or picking up fast food for one night in an effort to support their families is their own version of self-care. That filling a role through their own choices is more nurturing than arranging a sitter or making a trip across town to Whole Foods.

Self-care is important, and it’s true that we can’t pour from an empty cup. But do we need one more thing to fuel competition amongst ourselves? I think not, so remember to be kind to yourselves and to others. We’re all just trying our best.

Is our obsession with #selfcare problematic? Share on X

So tell me…

• Do you think we place too much emphasis on “self-care?”
• What about the self-care movement bothers you?
• How can you better care for yourself?