Setting fresh, new goals for the New Year is a wonderful feeling and something most of us have done throughout our lives, but sometimes resolving NOT to do something is just as important.

As someone who’s intimately aware of her inner critic, I can look in the mirror, walk out of a meeting, or brush off an encounter with a head full of awful thoughts about myself.

But at this point we know that we can’t “hate ourselves happy,” so why not make a choice RIGHT NOW to quiet the voice telling us we don’t measure up?

5 Things to Stop Telling Yourself This Year

1. I don’t deserve…

Have you ever been passed up for an opportunity—a promotion, a collaboration, or a raise—only to “justify” the loss by telling yourself “I didn’t deserve it.”

While some things must be earned (an income, trust, vacation time, etc.), others just happen. Not because you weren’t good enough. Not because of that one time in 2^nd grade when you insulted a friend. And not because you didn’t spend enough time with a loved one before it was too late.

Life is funny. And challenging. Sometimes justice is served hot on an antique silver platter, and other times truly awful things happen to honorable, hard-working people. Instead of telling yourself “I deserved to fail,” try asking yourself, “how will I overcome this setback?” or “what can I do to earn back trust?”

2. My opinion isn’t important

We’ve all heard the cliché about opinions: they’re like you-know-what because everybody has one. And while I adamantly believe we don’t always need to take opinions seriously, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak up when necessary.

For the longest time, I was afraid to share my opinion in professional situations. I believed that others thought so little of me that my opinion held no weight. Thus, I kept it to myself, often allowing frustration and resentment to fester.

Now, I share my opinion. Because I know that, even if there’s no resulting action, my voice still matters.

As long as you are being respectful, fair, considerate, and well-reasoned, your opinion is valuable. If something feels unfair or unsafe—or just kind of icky—it needs to be shared.

3. I’m broken

Like many people, I’ve struggled with the belief of “I’m broken” for years. I’ve never quite been able to define the feeling, but it’s almost as if I’ve convinced myself that I’m missing some important, essential quality that everybody else on the planet has but me. That I’m 99% “complete,” but that miniscule 1% is preventing me from being the person I long to be.

Well, you probably need to hear this as much as I do: you are NOT broken.

Yes, you have flaws and shortcomings. You may procrastinate too much. You may be quick to anger. You may give up on your dreams too soon because you’re afraid of failure. But that doesn’t mean you’re incomplete. Or that you can’t work to patch the cracks with something beautiful.

Perfection is a nonexistent ideal. Every successful person you can imagine has felt inadequate at some point in time. I’m still working on how to overcome those feelings, but I do believe deep in my being that each of us has something give. That, yes, we are imperfect, but those rough edges make us interesting.

4. I’ll be ready when…

Imagine you stumble upon the perfect job opportunity, except there’s one small thing: you’re a credit short of your degree.

Or that your new business has captured the attention of your dream client, except you haven’t even moved into a real office or polished your portfolio.

Or that the ache in your heart for starting a family is so strong, and your partner is ready, too, except you just need to pay down that student loan debt a little more first.

If we all waited until timing and circumstances were 100% “right,” then we’d never go after our dreams.

It’s one thing to be prepared—to have your finances generally in order, to gain the experience and recommendations needed to compete in the job market—but, much like the goal of perfection, the assumption that “I’ll be ready when…” is unrealistic!

I hate risk, but sometimes you just have to jump. If you wait for the perfect opportunity or to be completely free of doubt, your golden ticket may never arrive in the mail.

If your heart says “go!” but your head keeps offering excuses, maybe it’s time to listen to your heart.

5. What’s the point of trying?

I’m good at setting goals, but I’m even better at scrapping them. Since I’ve given up or failed in the past, I convince myself that it’s pointless to even try. That I’m too old. Or too inexperienced. Or that my opportunity has already passed and it’s too late.

But there’s the thing. As much as my inner perfectionist and failure-fearing monster refuses to believe, failures are just a part of the journey. Failures build success!

I recently read a wonderful story: a PhD candidate crafted printouts of all her rejection letters and failed proposals into a skirt, which she wore to her dissertation defense.

It’s such a poignant lesson: with much persistence, she achieved her goal, but the lessons she learned along the way were just as meaningful to the outcome. When we’re feeling dejected and uninspired, we need to remember this story.

5 things to stop telling yourself in the new year Share on X

The New Year is a great time to seriously contemplate and work toward self-improvement, but one of the best ways we can improve our well-being is to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness. Don’t let your inner bully get the best of you this year.